If only you notice
If only you dare
I've got to stop, stop, this obsession
I've got to start, start, about my reason
And let the film roll
Without me
" Lou Doillon"
I am ready for something I am not really sure if I'm really ready. Is this kind of uncertainty? Or I suddenly had this thought because I'm afraid of failing? Or do my other half really into this? Or will we survive without having enough money for doing this?
I'm not sure if I can keep myself straight. There's a time when I can't read even a page of an article and I can't write even a paragraph of a statement, and all I can do is just cry (when no one is around). After being with myself... I get up and say I can do better (in denial).
The truth is, it is not easy. It feels like I'm in this journey all by myself. I didn't get much support from those whom I hope I can beg to. I guess I'm just too afraid to ask... asking favors such "Can you help me with this?" or "What do you think of..." or "Can you accompany me?" or "Can we go out for a walk together?" or "Would like to go out for cup of coffee?" or "Can we go for a short vacation? I just finish my exam!" or even "Can you turn the volume down, I'm trying to study".
Ahhh darn.
Hopeless!
After years of trying to build such a homey relationship... We realized, we just couldnt be perfect to each other, but we're still trying, and always believe in second chance.
Im happy that you still be here with me, even i'm just a weaken person that anybody wouldn't want to be with...
the stone after shot
the word after pronounced
the ocasion after lost
the time after gone
Its been days... Months... Up to years... I feel so insecure. I feel like loosing something i really need in life. It keep a distance... I feel insecure.
Everything went wrong... I cannot fix every single things.
I look too far ahead and missed great things which i unintentionally ignored all this while. The worst part...
Im just my own favourite mistake... And everyone begins to hate me.
I have been taught, as long as you capable of doing things on your own, then you must strive till you done. Mom told me, she let me learn to survive in many possible ways. It is never easy, sometimes i cried, but i never give up.
It is run in the family now. All of us seem pretty well to survive...
But somehow I found it too much to carry on my own.
When i needed help and was asking favors from someone dearly closed, it just happened to be not at the right time. And it made me sad...
I keep this love in this photograph
I made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still
So you can keep me Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer 'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
And if you hurt me
And if you hurt me
That's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
I am stuck in two different living style. One is someone said "house of stress" and another is "house of chaos". Neither one i feel uninvited... But it is just so hard to fit in. As i said earlier it is hard to please everyone.
Sometimes i do feel like a stranger. There was a time when i didn't know what to do. So i took my phone and browse just anything... And i dont care what others might say about me sticking my eyes to the phone. There was the time when i became so restless or sleepy, but i cannot find my own space just to be with myself. So i end up continuing doing whatever i can. Just to keep myself occupied.
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